How to Find Joy Every Day: Lessons from the Queen of Joy
The other evening, my 32-year-old son came over for dinner, and we found ourselves in a deep conversation about all the terrible things going on in the world.
As a licensed counselor, he sees firsthand the struggles so many people are experiencing, particularly younger generations. Between the effects of social media, COVID, and the pressures of today's world, he sees clients dealing with trauma, anxiety, depression, and difficulties with learning, relationships, and communication.
And then he began rattling off a litany of other problems. The lack of care for our environment. The lack of empathy. The polarization in our society. The growing number of young people struggling with mental health challenges and diagnoses like ADHD, OCD, and a whole alphabet of acronyms that seem to define so much of our society today.
One after another, the problems kept coming.
And as I listened, all I could hear was a sense of hopelessness.
It was dark. Filled with despair about the state of our world.
And then something occurred to me. As a counselor, my son is immersed in these struggles for hours every day, week after week. I couldn't help but wonder how all of this was impacting him.
So I asked him, "With all of these problems, how do you find joy? And how do you help your clients find their way through all of this if there is no hope?"
We talked some more and eventually agreed that while we can't control everything happening around us, we can learn to manage our responses, our outlook, and our emotions.
But later, I kept thinking about that conversation.
Is managing enough?
Do we really just want to get by? To cope? To make it through another day?
I don't think so.
I think we want to live well.
We want to experience joy, love, connection, and purpose, even when life throws us challenges. Especially when life throws us challenges.
Now, don't get me wrong. My mind can take me to those dark places, too. I can get caught up in negativity, worry, and all the things that seem so terribly wrong with the world.
But then there's my mom.
The great 92-year-old Lilith Kopman.
My mom lost the love of her life in 2018. She and my dad had been married for 63 years when a devastating, fast-growing bladder cancer took him from us in just six months.
And those final months were agonizing.
Watching her guy, her soulmate, her everything, deteriorate into pain and suffering was heartbreaking. By the end, his suffering was so great that, as much as she wanted to hold on to him, she was relieved when he was finally free of the pain.
Even as I write this, tears well up in my eyes thinking about what that must have been like for her.
But here's where her story becomes remarkable.
After my dad passed, my mom packed up the home they had shared for 60 years and moved to a senior living community near me in Texas.
Think about that for a moment.
At 84 years old, she left behind the home, the community, and the life she had known for six decades.
The strength and courage it took were nothing short of extraordinary.
But that's not even the most remarkable part. When she arrived in Texas, she made a decision.
She was going to love it here.
Not hope to love it. Not wait and see if she liked it. She decided she was going to love it.
And she does!
Not only has she created a wonderful life for herself, but she has become a beacon of joy for the people in her community. She brightens their days, makes them laugh, and reminds them that life is still filled with possibilities.
She has become the Queen of Joy. For them. For our family. And especially for me.
And she has a secret ingredient.
Her default is happy.
Now, that doesn't mean she hasn't experienced sadness, grief, disappointment, or fear. Believe me, in 92 years, she's experienced plenty of all of those.
But somehow, she doesn't allow those experiences to define her life. She chooses to find the joy that's still there.
And I think there's an important lesson in that for all of us.
We can't always change our circumstances. We can't fix everything that's wrong with the world. And we certainly can't avoid the challenges that come with being human.
But perhaps we can do more than simply manage our way through life. Perhaps we can intentionally create a life that feels good to live.
So, what can we learn from the Queen of Joy? Perhaps that happiness isn't just something we experience when life goes our way. It's something we can intentionally cultivate, even when it doesn't.
Which brings me to something I'm very excited to share with you! I've decided to launch a podcast with my mom called Love, Lilith: Wisdom from the Queen of Joy.
At 92, she has a lifetime of wisdom, experiences, and stories to share. And I want to capture them, not just for our family, but for anyone who could use a little more joy, perspective, and inspiration in their life.
Together, we'll explore life through the four pillars of my S.E.L.F. Empowerment approach: Stability (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual), Environment, Love, and Friendship.
How have these pillars shaped her life? What has she learned along the way? And what can her 92 years teach us about living well?
Our very first episode is called "Default to Happy." And I couldn't think of a more fitting place to begin.
I invite you to watch, enjoy her wisdom, and perhaps get a glimpse into the very special bond my mom and I share.
And if you enjoy it, please subscribe! We're hoping to share a new episode each week.
Not everyone's default is happy. But if there's one thing we can learn from the Queen of Joy, it's that we don't have to stay stuck in despair. We can begin to shift our mindset from despair to delight by intentionally choosing how we want to experience life.
And perhaps, with a little practice, we can learn to make "Default to Happy" our way of life.
With love and serenity,
Phyllis
Click the button below to watch Episode 1: Love Lilith: "Default to Happy"
Phyllis Smith is the Founder & CEO of Rejuvecise. She is a Yoga Instructor and S.E.L.F Leadership Guide in the Dallas, Texas area. She is also the creator of the S.E.L.F. Empowerment framework, which develops SELF Leadership through the principles of Stability (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual), Environment, Love (self-compassion), and Friendship. Her life's work is helping others discover a sense of inner steadiness, self-trust, and serenity. She believes serenity is not about having a perfect life. It is about learning how to meet life with grace, courage, and clarity—no matter what arises. Click HERE to learn more about the variety of services offered by emailing Phyllis at Phyllis@rejuvecise.com and/or by clicking HERE for a FREE 30-minute discovery call today. (Services offered both in-person and online)
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