When Did Self-Care Become Selfish? Letting Go of Guilt and Embracing Your Best Life.
Earlier this week, I had one of those days when I just didn't feel like doing anything.
I didn't feel like working. I didn't feel like tackling my to-do list. I just wanted to do...nothing. So I sat on the couch and watched TV. In the middle of the day. For several hours.
Sounds nice? Well, while I gave myself permission to play couch potato, I was conflicted about it (referencing a line in the movie, "Analyze This.) Yes, I felt guilty!
There was that little voice in my head reminding me of all the things I could and should be doing.
Sound familiar?
Then yesterday, I attended an event where several women at my table were talking about wanting to exercise more. But what was stopping them wasn't necessarily a lack of motivation. It was guilt.
They felt selfish taking time away from their family and other responsibilities to do something for themselves.
And I thought, isn't that interesting? Here I was feeling guilty about doing nothing, and these women were feeling guilty about doing something!
Different circumstances. Same guilt.
When did taking care of ourselves become something we have to justify?
I think many of us have become so accustomed to measuring our worth by how much we accomplish, how productive we are, and how much we do for others that we've forgotten something important.
We matter, too.
Rest isn't a reward for finishing everything on our to-do list. And taking time to move our bodies, nurture our minds, or simply enjoy a quiet moment isn't selfish.
It's self-care. And more importantly, it's self-respect.
We can't allow our minds to hijack us. Awareness is key, and here's where mindfulness practices like conscious breathing, pausing, and meditation can come to our rescue.
The next time that little voice starts whispering, "You should be doing something more productive," pause for a moment.
Get curious.
Ask yourself:
Where is this guilt coming from? Whose voice are you hearing?
What's the worst that could happen if I wait?
What would it feel like to give myself permission to take care of my own needs without guilt?
And then listen.
Maybe what you need is a walk outside. Maybe it's a yoga class, a conversation with a friend, or an afternoon curled up with a good book.
Or maybe, just maybe, you need to do absolutely nothing. Because sometimes, doing nothing is exactly what we need to do
My friend, mentor, and Sedona retreat co-host, Mary Gooden, has a lot on her plate. Multiple businesses, retreats, publishing books, and even a recent move across the country.
The other day, I left her a voice message apologizing for interrupting her busy schedule.
Her response? "I'm not busy. I'm living my best life!"
Wow. That landed.
And I suspect that if Mary decided to spend an entire afternoon doing absolutely nothing, she'd say exactly the same thing.
So the real question is...Are you living your best life?
To me, that question is an important part of self-leadership. Recognizing what we need and giving ourselves permission to honor it.
Because taking care of ourselves doesn't mean we care any less about others. It means we're including ourselves in the circle of people who deserve our love and attention.
And that's something we should never have to feel guilty about.
P.S. Speaking of giving yourself permission to pause, I'd love to invite you to my upcoming SereniTEA Holiday Mini Retreat. It's 2½ hours devoted entirely to YOU, with mindful movement, self-reflection, a relaxing sound bath, and tea and connection. An opportunity to step away from the demands of everyday life and reconnect with yourself. Because you deserve that time, too.
Click HERE to register. Space is limited, so give yourself permission to put YOU on your calendar. Consider it a little gift of self-love.
Phyllis Smith is the Founder & CEO of Rejuvecise. She is a Yoga Instructor and S.E.L.F Leadership Guide in the Dallas, Texas area. She is also the creator of the S.E.L.F. Empowerment framework, which develops SELF Leadership through the principles of Stability (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual), Environment, Love (self-compassion), and Friendship. Her life's work is helping others discover a sense of inner steadiness, self-trust, and serenity. She believes serenity is not about having a perfect life. It is about learning how to meet life with grace, courage, and clarity—no matter what arises. Click HERE to learn more about the variety of services offered by emailing Phyllis at Phyllis@rejuvecise.com and/or by clicking HERE for a FREE 30-minute discovery call today. (Services offered both in-person and online)
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