Self-Leadership: Choosing Your Lens
I love photography. It’s amazing how perspective changes when you look through a lens. Just a slight move to the side or a step forward can change the image entirely.
And the same is true of how we view the people and the world around us.
The other day, I was finalizing details for my S.E.L.F. Empowerment SereniTEA Mini Retreat in December at The Meeting Place, and I noticed a promotional advertisement on their monitor for an upcoming event described as something “for the elderly.”
The elderly?
I thought, What a terrible way to describe the very people you’re trying to attract! Are they talking about me? My mom? My friends? At 66, am I elderly? That word itself sounds like you've got one foot in the grave. I certainly don't feel that way!
I mentioned it to the folks there. They agreed, and we had a good laugh about it. It wasn't their choice of words; they just provide the platform for the customer to promote their event.
But it stuck with me.
Then, the other night, I was watching the great Ted Lasso show.
Mae, who owns the pub, was talking about how she couldn't go to the women's football match because, as a "seasoned" person, the 2-hour drive was a bit too much. (Of course, the lovely Ted Lasso offered to let her ride on the team bus. Love that guy!)
Seasoned.
Now THAT is a word I can get behind!
Think about what seasoning does to food. It adds flavor. It adds depth. It makes something richer and more interesting.
Isn’t that what happens to us as we get older?
We’re seasoned.
We’ve lived. We’ve loved. We’ve made mistakes. We’ve learned. We’ve experienced loss and joy and disappointment and triumph. Hopefully, we’ve gathered a lot of wisdom too.
Compare that with elderly. To me, that word feels heavy. It conjures up images of frailty and decline.
But seasoned? That feels like someone who has some stories to tell.
Same years. Different name. Different perspective.
And that got me thinking about another lesson in perspective—this one from Cesar Millan.
I’m a huge Cesar fangirl. I’ve watched just about everything he’s ever done, from The Dog Whisperer to Better Human Better Dog to Life at the Ranch and everything in between.
In one episode, Cesar went to an animal shelter to help with a dog no one could leash. Without a leash, they couldn't move the dog from the holding pen to the area where people could meet her for adoption.
When Cesar arrived, this poor dog was barking, baring his teeth, and lashing out. He looked frightening and dangerous.
But sure enough, after patiently and compassionately working with her, Cesar was able to put a leash on her. Eventually, this same frightened dog was nestled peacefully beside him. Calm and submissive.
Cesar said he didn't see an aggressive dog. He saw the true nature of the dog underneath the fear. Sweet, calm, and submissive.
That really stayed with me.
Because I then started thinking about people.
There is so much anger in our world. So much fear. So much division. Sometimes it feels as though people are standing across from one another, metaphorically baring their teeth and growling.
We see the anger, the lashing out, the aggressive behavior.
We label them and make all kinds of assumptions about them. Yup, guilty!
But do we see what's underneath?
My spiritual belief is that underneath all these human layers is the soul. And I believe the soul, at its essence, is loving, rational, and peaceful.
It doesn't mean we excuse cruelty or pretend harmful behavior isn't harmful. And it certainly doesn't mean we shouldn't have boundaries.
But perhaps we can look at another human being and remember: What I'm seeing may not be all that is there.
Trust me, that's not always easy.
There are people whose actions may make it incredibly difficult to imagine anything loving underneath. There are times when anger feels justified, and compassion feels nearly impossible.
But I have to believe there is something deeper than what we see on the surface.
Maybe that's another kind of self-leadership—the ability to choose the lens through which we look at one another.
Not ignoring reality or excusing harm. But remembering our shared humanity.
Because words matter.
Labels matter.
Perspective matters.
“Elderly” or “seasoned.”
“Aggressive dog” or “fearful dog."
Perhaps we can't change the perspective of the whole world. But we can become more conscious of our own.
And maybe, if enough of us do that, when our own season here is complete, we will have added a little more flavor, a little more wisdom, a little more compassion, and a little more love to the world.
And that's a sprinkle of seasoning I would love to leave behind.
Phyllis Smith is the Founder & CEO of Rejuvecise. She is a Yoga Instructor and S.E.L.F Leadership Guide in the Dallas, Texas area. She is also the creator of the S.E.L.F. Empowerment framework, which develops SELF Leadership through the principles of Stability (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual), Environment, Love (self-compassion), and Friendship. Her life's work is helping others discover a sense of inner steadiness, self-trust, and serenity. She believes serenity is not about having a perfect life. It is about learning how to meet life with grace, courage, and clarity—no matter what arises. Click HERE to learn more about the variety of services offered by emailing Phyllis at Phyllis@rejuvecise.com and/or by clicking HERE for a FREE 30-minute discovery call today. (Services offered both in-person and online)
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