S.E.L.F. Reflection: Do you fear becoming irrelevant?
- rejuvecise
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
When you look at the tattoo above, what comes to mind? And no, it is not an AI graphic superimposed on a naked back. That is a real tattoo that my daughter, Deanna James, completed in just three very long days at a recent tattoo convention in Dallas.
When I look at it, I don't just see an incredible work of art. I see a brilliant artist who has given her client something he will carry with him for the rest of his life. People who are fortunate enough to see it will be in awe for years to come.
Deanna's goal wasn't simply to win the competition. She wanted to challenge herself by completing a full back tattoo in only three days. Most tattoos like this would normally take six to eight.
Now let me say this. Deanna has already won first place at two of the most prestigious tattoo conventions in the country—New York and Los Angeles—and third place at one of the most respected conventions in Germany, where elite artists from around the world compete.
She and her husband also own Eden Body Art Studios, which now has three locations in the Dallas area and continues to grow. They attract some of the best tattoo artists in the world. On top of that, Deanna teaches her unique painterly style through workshops, seminars, and an online course. Every year, she travels to Florence, Italy, to continue learning and refining her craft.
She's the real deal.
At just 33 years old, she's already creating a legacy that will live far beyond her years.
I don't tell you all of this to brag. Well...maybe just a little. I am her mom after all. But more than anything, I'm proud of how hard she works, how she continually challenges herself, and how generously she shares what she's learned with other artists.
Here's where the story takes an unexpected turn.
She finished fourth.
Of course, I thought she should have won. But honestly, that's not what mattered most to me. What mattered was that she accomplished the goal she had set for herself. She completed a full back tattoo in only three days. To my knowledge, she'd never done that before, and it's possible no one else has either.
A few days later, Deanna shared a video on Instagram. Her eyes were puffy from crying. She graciously acknowledged how amazing the artists in the top three were, but then she revealed something that completely caught me off guard.
She said the experience brought to light one of her greatest fears.
Becoming irrelevant.
That one sentence broke my heart. Not because she didn't win, but because someone so gifted, hardworking, and generous could question her own worth after one disappointment.
As I sat with her words, I realized this wasn't really Deanna's story anymore.
It was ours.
I suspect she isn't alone.
We might fear becoming irrelevant or wonder, Do I still matter? Whether we're artists, parents, entrepreneurs, teachers, retirees, or simply people trying to find our place in the world, we all want to know that our lives have meaning. We want to feel that we've made a difference.
I know, because if I'm completely honest, I've wrestled with that fear myself.
It's why I do what I do. My mission is to help people find serenity in motion—not by escaping life, but by learning how to move through it with greater presence, purpose, and possibility through yoga and my four pillars of S.E.L.F. Empowerment: Stability, Environment, Love, and Friendship.
As noble as that sounds, there is ego involved. I want to leave behind a legacy of compassion and kindness so others feel seen and loved. It's all for the greater good, but somewhere inside me is the desire to know that my life mattered too.
But here's what I continue to learn.
What we do is not who we are.
Our accomplishments are not who we are.
The way other people identify us is not who we are.
Think about this for a moment. Hundreds of millions of sperm may begin the journey, but only one fertilizes the egg. The miracle that any one of us is here at all is astonishing.
You were already unique before you accomplished anything.
One of my favorite spiritual teachers and authors, Michael Singer, says it in a way that resonates with me most. The essence of his teachings is that who we truly are lies much deeper than the identities we've created for ourselves. It isn't what people see. It's the quiet place within us that is pure love. No judgment. No emotional attachment. No need to prove ourselves. That part of us exists whether we receive applause or criticism, whether we succeed or fall short.
The challenge is learning to access it.
When we do, disappointments still hurt, but they no longer define us. We realize that our worth has never depended on awards, recognition, or someone else's opinion.
Accessing that deeper place takes practice. It's like a muscle that becomes stronger with consistency. The good news is we already have the tools.
Meditation and conscious breathing help us become aware of the distractions and ego-driven thoughts that pull us away from ourselves. Yoga releases physical tension, creates awareness, and prepares the mind and body to access that inner state of peace, love, and joy.
Practicing yoga once a week is wonderful. But taking even a few quiet minutes each day to sit in stillness can begin to change your relationship with yourself. It's there that you discover your true essence—the place where validation from the outside world no longer determines your magnificence.
You already are.
If you find it difficult to practice on your own or would like a little guidance, I invite you to explore my Serenity in Motion online subscription service. You'll have access to a growing library of yoga, meditation, and conscious breathing practices whenever it's convenient for you.
And finally...
To my darling daughter, Deanna...
From my soul to yours...
You make the world a better place simply by being you.
Phyllis Smith is the Founder & CEO of Rejuvecise. She is a Yoga Instructor and S.E.L.F Leadership Guide in the Dallas, Texas area. She is also the creator of the S.E.L.F. Empowerment framework, which develops SELF Leadership through the principles of Stability (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual), Environment, Love (self-compassion), and Friendship. Her life's work is helping others discover a sense of inner steadiness, self-trust, and serenity. She believes serenity is not about having a perfect life. It is about learning how to meet life with grace, courage, and clarity—no matter what arises. Click HERE to learn more about the variety of services offered and/or contact Phyllis at Phyllis@Rejuvecise.com for a FREE 30-minute discovery call today. (Services offered both in-person and online)
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