Date Yourself. It's Good for Your Health.

There are certain books that I have read that changed my life. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz is one. Now I'm soaking in every last word from Brene Brown's latest book, "The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are." Dr. Brown walks us through the things that make us human, what connects us in our humanity and how to embrace those traits with love and respect.
She says to be human is to feel shame, because it is innately human to need to be loved, to feel worthy and to feel like we belong. If any of those components are missing we feel shame. We hate ourselves. We don't feel lovable or worthy or like we belong to something greater than ourselves. We begin to feel these things and when things don't go our way, we chalk it up to one of those things.
Soon a never-ending cycle of shame continues like a revolving door that never stops. It transcends everything we do. At work we don't speak our mind, because we feel our opinion doesn't matter, we choose to be in a loveless relationship, because we think that we're not worth more, we live in a state of loneliness, because we feel like we don't belong anywhere.
But here's the thing. Each one of us is a beautiful creation of dark and light, of magical and brilliant colors, desires and dreams and magnificent imperfections that make us unique. One of a kind.
Yes we are all human and connected in our basic human needs. But we also need to embrace what makes us different, especially in how we express ourselves. The good girl who yeses everyone to death instead of speaking out against unfairness should be celebrated for her bravery. The boy who chooses to create music instead of following a safer path in business should be applauded for taking the more difficult road.
The truth is unless we can truly hug ourselves on the inside we will never be able to live a full and joyful life. Dr. Brown says the difference between happiness and joy is that happiness is achieved due to outside circumstances. Joy is a spirit, a light that shines inside of us.

To feel real joy, we need to start with self-love. When we do, we will naturally choose to take care of ourselves, because we simply feel we're worth it. Then we will feel like we belong to something greater than ourselves, because we believe in ourselves to trust that our existence matters. That we make a difference in those lives we touch.
How do we learn to love ourselves? How about starting with "like." Look at it like the dating process. A healthy relationship usually begins with liking someone else. We share something in common. We like the way they look, their smile, their sense of humor, their intelligence.
So starting right now close your eyes and imagine you are sitting across from yourself at a fancy restaurant with white table cloths and fresh flowers in the middle. You're on a date that you've been looking forward to. You look deeply into your eyes and begin to notice all the things you like about yourself. Now don't cheat and go into the bathroom to look in the mirror, because like most of us you'll start picking apart all the blemishes and wrinkles that seem to overshadow our real beauty. As you look across that fancy table at this person you don't know we'll start to ask questions like you would of someone on your first date. What would you want to know that would make you want to go out with that person again. When you feel like you've turned over every stone on your first date, smile and say to yourself across the table, "It was a pleasure meeting you" and make a plan for your next date. Then repeat. Eventually you should be ready to get more serious, go steady and finally commit to a lifetime of cherishing yourself.
When you reach the point of true self-love, achieving and sustaining good health will be a piece of cake. Why? Because you made the commitment to love yourself till death-do-you-part.

Phyllis Smith is Founder/CEO of Rejuvecise: Finding tranquility in every day life. She is a Yoga Instructor and Wellness Coach in the Dallas,Texas area. Contact Phyllis at Phyllis@Rejuvecise.com to learn more about how she can help you discover tranquility in your life.
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